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Submitted on
June 17, 2012
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"There's a light at the end of the tunnel."

Then I will run as fast as I can.

"Hang in there, get through the tunnel!"

Believe me, I'm doing the best I can...

 

I run dead ahead, trying to reach the light,

But the shadows surround me, and hold on tight.

As I break free from them, it takes all my might,

As I run, it seems to just get further out of sight.

 

But yes, I see it! That glorious light!

As I keep running, and the light gets brighter.

I propel myself forward with the last of my might,

Too late, I realise, the light is a flamethrower...

 

You want to tell me about the damn light?!
I'll tell you what, there's no escape, THE LIGHT BURNS!
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:iconfantasy-warriorx:
So bitter and angry. I apologize for not being so understanding earlier. That was wrong of me to say that things will get better. Even though I said it, I'll repeat it again. I take back what I said earlier. It dosen't matter what lies in the future and when people say that things get better. What matters is how you're feeling here and now. I apoligize for that, it was rude of me not to see it.
What I see is anger and fustration at the world. I see deep hatred that burns like acid and runs like fire. I see that you've created a world that's deep, dark, and dying. It looks as if the world is tearing apart piece by piece. It looks like that world is dying and screaming from the pain. It feels like all there is left is escape and not even that exists anymore, because it has become a monster, a flamethrower. It makes the reader feel the pain, anger, and hatred of the writer. It feels scary not to have nothing left to stand upon, nothing to hold you up. I can feel the insanity from this rushing through the piece as there's nothing left for comfort anymore. There is nothing left. That's what I'm hearing from this.
It feels like there's no escape. It feels like the entire world is attacking the writer, that there's not even a single safehold for reach. I get the point now. There is no light anymore. What are you supposed to do with no light? I'm so sorry that you're feeling this. I wish I could say something to make you feel better. But unfortunately, according to this poem, there is nothing at all.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

:icongeorge551:
Okay okay, firstly, I know this was a deeply emotional poem but I gotta say I did laugh at the ending a tiny bit, just cos the first verses were kinda cliche (though very nicely written with good rhythm) and then the final bit was so opposed to it. I read this through a few times and I did like it a lot. The "light at the end of the tunnel" was cliche but on purpose, I think, and I like what you did with the concept of running down the dark tunnel. I also seems that the speech marks are someone else egging you on, trying to get you to complete this trial and what really makes me like this is the fact that this supposed friend turns out to be a right d*ck for leading you into a flame thrower. The second verse, in my opinion, is probably the weakest verse over all because although the rhymes work well to emphasise the key words of the struggle and add more depth to it the whole sharows wrapping round you thing is a little predictable, although to be fair a lot who play with this concept do not have actual monsters to attack them, maybe this says that this particular route is harder than most peoples.
Overall I like the delivery system and the overall concept, certain elements of de ja vu employed at some points as subtlety as a Russian spy in on a crowded street and at other times as subtlety as a blue whale on the top deck of a bus. Despite this it is a strong poem and a love the ending, even if I did misinterpret it as slightly humerous whereas it is actually deadly serious I still love it.
What do you think?
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2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconthechaoswithinorder:
TheChaoswithinOrder Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2012
Okay that last line is just the perfect example of dark humor. Honestly, I see how that your hopes can just destroy you as easily as they have pushed you but I can't help but giggle at the complete out of left field ending that more than likely resulted in death.
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:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2012
Yeah, exactly, entire point of it xD SOMEONE GETS IT! XD
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:iconthechaoswithinorder:
TheChaoswithinOrder Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2012
Really, it took this long for someone to get it?
Reply
:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2012
People laughed, but didn't know what I was going for.
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:iconthechaoswithinorder:
TheChaoswithinOrder Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2012
I see.
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:iconxxxwiltingvioletxxx:
XxXWiltingVioletXxX Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I really love this! It is so true. People who haven't been in the metaphorical tunnel can't understand what it's like and how it is to find a way out.
I really like the style this was written in, too. All in all, very good :)
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:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2012
Thank you :iconbowplz:
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:iconwinterwolf10:
WinterWolf10 Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I always disliked the "light at the end of the tunnel" metaphor, because you can't see past the light.
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:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2012
I was thinking "And dead ahead? Just another fucking tunnel..."
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:iconwinterwolf10:
WinterWolf10 Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Most likely. :) Another stupid tunnel to go through.
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