Sta.sh
There is no place for my ideals or me,
There is no place for justice or mercy.
There is no place for true love anymore,
It's a sad truth, it saddens me at the core.
There is no place for me in this world,
Where the cries of the needy must go unheard.
I'm cast out for my ideals, my gentleman's code,
Well, I was born like this, a man in hero mode.
There is no place for a hero in this world,
The knight in shining armour must go unheard.
There is no such thing as a Fairy Tale,
I am not Prince Charming, just another sail.
On a boat afloat on a sea of sadness,
The winds of mourning passing through me.
There is nowhere in this world for me...
There is nowhere in this world for gallantry.
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Why can't the male populous be more on the side of chivalrous and mature rather than "I gotz swag"? Wonderfully written piece.
In terms of Vision, I give 4 on the following basis:
You have perceived and understood well the perspective of a man who finds that chivalry is dead and not just dead, but also rejected in this world. Anyone who plays Mr. Nice is looked down upon by the apathetic world and you are often seen as weird if you choose to go the extra mile for someone. So definitely a four for that. I didn't give five because of the slight inconsistency in the third stanza where is seems more emotionally directed at the narrator. I would have probably made it more focused, but that said, still a solid 4.
Originality is 3.5, on the following basis:
While the idea is not original (thus minusing half a star) and this style of rhyming is...minorly inconsistent (minus one star) [This was because of the code and mode thing, despite it also rhyming with unheard creating a slight jerk in the rhythm]. I would still say that it is a fairly original poem IN the style that you have done it. For me personally I never rank originality on the originality of the idea itself (else everything would be auto-one star including my own works), but instead I prefer to examine whether or not the deviant has portrayed it in their own way and here you have. Well done ^^
Technique is a solid 4.5, on the following basis:
You applied the chosen technique with consistency and throughout the poem. Minus half a star only because I found the rhythm slightly jerky, but that is a minor flow issue and anyone can fix it with seven hours of editing (I know I've tried), essentially it's not something to mark a piece down initially. So well done on keeping to the chosen technique "anymore, core" "Tale, Sail" ^^
Impact, 5, on the following basis:
The core theme behind the poem and the idea that it portrays is something very close to home for me. I believe that many 'nice guys' can relate to it if they read it and I know that I certainly can. I was once laughed at in high-school for using an old-line where I said, 'I would never strike a lady'. It was unfortunately something of a joke back in the day, but I still recall it and to this day I attempt to be as much of a gentlemen as possible, simply to break the trend.
Overall, well done on this piece. Thank you for writing it
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
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