In terms of Vision, I give 4 on the following basis:
You have perceived and understood well the perspective of a man who finds that chivalry is dead and not just dead, but also rejected in this world. Anyone who plays Mr. Nice is looked down upon by the apathetic world and you are often seen as weird if you choose to go the extra mile for someone. So definitely a four for that. I didn't give five because of the slight inconsistency in the third stanza where is seems more emotionally directed at the narrator. I would have probably made it more focused, but that said, still a solid 4.
Originality is 3.5, on the following basis:
While the idea is not original (thus minusing half a star) and this style of rhyming is...minorly inconsistent (minus one star) [This was because of the code and mode thing, despite it also rhyming with unheard creating a slight jerk in the rhythm]. I would still say that it is a fairly original poem IN the style that you have done it. For me personally I never rank originality on the originality of the idea itself (else everything would be auto-one star including my own works), but instead I prefer to examine whether or not the deviant has portrayed it in their own way and here you have. Well done ^^
Technique is a solid 4.5, on the following basis:
You applied the chosen technique with consistency and throughout the poem. Minus half a star only because I found the rhythm slightly jerky, but that is a minor flow issue and anyone can fix it with seven hours of editing (I know I've tried), essentially it's not something to mark a piece down initially. So well done on keeping to the chosen technique "anymore, core" "Tale, Sail" ^^
Impact, 5, on the following basis:
The core theme behind the poem and the idea that it portrays is something very close to home for me. I believe that many 'nice guys' can relate to it if they read it and I know that I certainly can. I was once laughed at in high-school for using an old-line where I said, 'I would never strike a lady'. It was unfortunately something of a joke back in the day, but I still recall it and to this day I attempt to be as much of a gentlemen as possible, simply to break the trend.
Overall, well done on this piece. Thank you for writing it
I am of the opinion that much of the blame for those males who are true gentlemen feeling this way rests with my own sex. Of course I don't mean every woman and I can only state this opinion based on what I have witnessed. I simply mean to say that I have noticed a severe drop in respect for our male counterparts.
This is very touching, and true. one of my best friends is going through this simply because he actually cares about women and respects them. More guys need to be like this. I personally find chivalry a refreshing break from the "I GOTZ SWAG" (yes I did take that from a previous comment, sorry)
Now, come on, everyone goes through this. I went. My great sorrow is knowing I was born in a historically poor state (I was born in Brasilia, which has only over half of a century in existance). At least you are growing up, and soon enough you will find new ideals or a new identity as good as the old ones. Look at me for example: I try to emulate the culture of my home city, but you may know what happens when you lve in a capital: the most uncharacteristic part of that country. Because of my academic ambition I even tried to imagine myself as a desert-dwelling man, but this is just inexistent, because I feel sick in extreme heat. So, what was left for me? Water. I am linked to water in every way possible, from my astrological sign to the place in which I was born (Rio de Janeiro). I mean, even my paternal ancestry denote the sea(I have Spanish and Portuguese ancestry). In short, you have to listen to your heart. And sorry for not making a critique, I am not good at it.
Ah, right. The 6th has already passed. Nice and by the way, finally I've seen penta! But not my dad's :c I don't know if I'll be able to play this week. If I do, something probably will be sacrificed X3
Funny, I was talking about a friend of mine about this the other day. I told him that I appreciate being protected, but that I hate it when someone is overprotective of me to the point they suffocate me.
And what's even funnier is that on the same day I read an interview they made to Portia di Rossi in which she said that she used to believe that being strong meant being though, and that being independent meant not needing anyone; she then proceeded to say that she clung to those ideas until she met her wife (Ellen De Generes).
I can tell you this: we women do not like to be protected because we don't want to appear weak. Millenia of living in a hostile enviroment where any sign of weakness is exploded by merciless predators really screws you over. But those who are worse are those who pretend to be your friend when you are in need, and then they use you and abuse and throw you away. That's why so many of us have strong cynical reactions to people wanting to take care of us. We are used to pain and harsh worlds, not love and care.
There's also the fact that the traits a woman is gonna look in a mate are based on those her father had. And bad guys being glamorized by the media doesn't help either.
And about what Mr. Chen said about people who think those who go the extra mile for someone as if they were a science project, it is because they think "why does this person try to make a world a better place. They aren't gonna be able to save everyone."
It may sound corny, but don't give up. Never doubt that a small group of committed people can change the world. In fact, it is the only thing that ever has.
Don't give up on the gentleman's code or gallantry just yet. I have seen many things that sadden me inside and make me feel all is lost, however unexpected things happen and I witness kindness as well as hope at the strangest of times, be it directed toward me or an event somewhere in the world. So don't give up on the world just yet or yourself because the bards and writers of this world need something to sing and make poems and stories about what you are striving for.
don't say you want to grow up and be like those who don't have a sympathetic bone in their body and are blind to the suffering. People who feel the need to, in a way, be a hero, are a rare type of people in this modern world.
You know, I think you should carry a compass. Not as a device to show which way north is, but as a token to remind you that you are not lost, that you will always find your way, that whichever direction your life takes you it is leading you to someone who believes in a guy like you, who believes in gallantry, in true love.
Why is it that you feel the need to grow up? Have people been telling you to do so? But your work is utterly amazing. i read about one of your critiques and it made me angry. They made your work sound like trash. I just hope they know that what goes around comes around. There isn't any reason to judge hatefully on another artists work.
Ah, was it from :iconglossolias: ? But um, basically [link] Every ex I have, in the end, sent me this. Said there's no place for prince charming/a knight in shining armour/a hero in their lives. Said true love is not the be all and end all, and you can't make a relationship work just on love. One even said at our age we can't even feel love, as we have yet to experience it... And we only can when we get older. *sigh*
i dont know..I think it was from yesterday or the day before..but it wasnt the greatest critique.. and ohh :/ white horse...i see..sad face. wow...that must be heartbreaking...i feel so bad..that really sucks. now i can see where you get your ideas on what to write about
Seems like mine also..I feel....as if, maybe...just maybe, im stuck. I haven't been able to take pictures, I haven't written anything meaningful, and I haven't really given a shit. Does that seem..hm I really don't know what I'm trying to say..but yeah..sorry I'm wasting your time..