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So yes I am sorry

But know that I care,

I know that you worry

I know you despair-

 

I wish that you wouldn't

But I guess you can't stop,

I know that you didn't

Feel like you could help.

 

I know that feeling

And I know that it kills,

To be truly helpless

When your lover hurts.

 

I know that I shouldn't

But yes I still cut,

And I wish that you wouldn't

But how can you not?

 

So yes I am sorry.

And I promise I'll stop

Because I know that you worry,

For the one that you love.

Jennifer, I'm sorry.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconkyokomogami333:
This is a very amazing work of art.
I can see through the eyes of the person this is being written to. It is strong and it reminds me of me and my boyfriend. Overall, this poem can easily be compared to others feeling the same way.
Although stuff like this is difficult to talk about, it is common, which makes it original. It envelops all the correct feelings and it really just tugs your heartstrings.
NO spelling errors and the 4 line stanza proves easy to follow. Not only does it have an emerging feeling, it proves itself and allegory by having that deeper feel that follows your eyes as you read along.
I give 5 stars for impact mainly because I know how it feels. My boyfriend told me the same thing and I know how it hurts. Poetry is a very beautiful apology, thus increasing impact by, like, 100%.
Very nice piece of work and I hope things go well for you!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
22 out of 23 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconhells-disasterpiece:
I love this piece. This piece shows so much emotion especially when it comes to love. I think the writing style is well put together. The fact that there is no spelling errors makes it a very well written piece and also due to the fact that the grammar used is very well structured it also shows the quality of both the piece and the author. I think the theme of loss and hurt is a very well chosen one which is very well emphasised by the word choice and the use of rhetorical questions. This piece to me is almost like a call out to that one person the voice of this literature has lost
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
29 out of 33 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconrecklys:
Recklys Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2012  Student Writer
i think this is the best poem i ever read...
Reply
:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2012
Read some of my others? This one is hardly my best.
Reply
:iconrecklys:
Recklys Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2012  Student Writer
Your other poems are amazing, but i still think this is your best ;)
Reply
:icondiluculi:
Diluculi Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
First of all, I want to apologize for taking so long, but I had mixed feelings about this poem and needed to figure out why.
This critique is for the critque challenge of :iconmy-soul-bleeds-ink:
I read this poem several times and I have to say, I really like the message behind it and I think it delievers the feeling of being sorry very well.
I especially like the use to repition of "I am sorry" matched with "you worry" and the choice of words in this poem.
I like the length of it, as well and the general structe use: five stanzas with four lines each. It's not too long and not too short.

But something bothered me about this poem, too. Therefore I looked at the structure of it as well.
The syllables of the poem are: 6-5-6-5 6-5-5-5 5-6-6-5 5-5-6-5 6-6-8-6.
It has rhymes, near rhymes and also no rhymes. The use of the kind of rhyme is scattered. This and the amount of syllables follow no superior structure.

The first stanza provides a certain rythm to this poem while reading, but this rythm is alreay stopped by the last line of the second stanza, due to the abrupt lack of rhyme or near rhyme.
The third stanza has no rhymes as well, but because of the syllables used, the poem ergains s rythm in this stanza, which continues in the 4th stanza. Even though in the fourth stanza the amount of syllables doesn't match the one of the stanza before, but instead there rhymes and near rhymes are used in here, so the rythm is still there.
The last stanza, however, disrupts the rythm. this time, it's not because of the lack of rhyme, but because the thirdline is simply too long. Changing it to " 'Cause I know you worry" would help the rythm, in my opinion.

Overall, the only weakness of this piece is its lack of detailed structure. As I said before, the general structure is still good.
Also, the detailed structure is far less important than the main goal of this poem: To deliver its message. I think the poem achieved this goal very well.
Reply
:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2012
XDDD Nice "critique"
You did it in the comment's section? Really? XD
And it's called "free verse" for one, structure isn't expected.
For two, "stop" and "help" rhyme in my accent...
All the others do too :shrug: Sorry XD
Reply
:icondiluculi:
Diluculi Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ok, blame it on my accent then ^^
As you can see, I did ^^
I realized it free verse after I wrote the damn thing :XD:
Reply
:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2012
XDDD!!!
Reply
:icongoobyclarke:
GoobyClarke Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012
<3
Reply
:iconlennykagamine19:
lennykagamine19 Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012
Oh I'm so sorry to all my friends and the people I luv who don't know I cut.... Luv u alll
Reply
:iconpostwavecore:
PostWaveCore Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012
"You're a hot dog but you'd better not try to hurt her Frank Furter!"
Reply
:iconboxofslavery:
boxofslavery Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012
This is great! Why do you call it free verse when there's obvious structure here? I'm a sucker for structure and so I really do love this piece. It seems like you go back and forth between a rhyme scheme and no rhyme scheme, but you keep a good rhythm so it still works.
But if I may give a bit of constructive criticism.
"I know that you despair-" Take out the word "that" so it has better rhythm.
Reply
:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012
Alrighty boxxy, thanks. And I call all my stuff free verse when it's mostly concrete poetry xD
It's just the category in my frequently used :shrug:
Reply
:iconwinterwolf10:
WinterWolf10 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I'm sorry I just now got the chance to read this, but this is another strong poem. :hug: I really enjoyed it, even though it can be a difficult subject to talk about.
Reply
:iconraindropsonmywindow:
RainDropsOnMyWindow Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Student Writer
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. :3
Reply
:iconmikeybound:
mikeybound Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
Everyone already said the good stuff, so I'll just say I like it!
Reply
:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
xD Thanks.
Reply
:iconbullrose5:
bullrose5 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
This is unbelievably powerful. I wish you the best of luck. I hope things get better for you soon! :hug:
Reply
:iconbabydoll4775:
babydoll4775 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
wow this is really good. i can relate to this and i love how deep it is
Reply
:iconariannathekeybearer:
AriannaTheKeybearer Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
The first part I can identify with, it sucks watching someone you care about go through such hurt and it makes you want to help so badly but you're unable to because maybe there's some sort of gap that keeps understanding from reaching you, a point of understanding you want to reach..
Reply
:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
:iconbowplz: Exactly. Thank you for understanding and I'm sorry you have felt that way <3
Reply
:iconariannathekeybearer:
AriannaTheKeybearer Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It's fine, even though we aren't together, like the way you feel towards previous lovers, and even if it hurts.. I want to be a better person and not look at my past lovers with scorn as most girls would, if that person can't be my lover, I'd like them to be part of my metaphorical family.
Reply
:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
Pfft, tried that, every ex I have hates me.
One hated me, then wanted to sleep with me, now hates me all over again because I said no. xD
Girls are... I will find the meme :') Got it!
[link]
Reply
:iconariannathekeybearer:
AriannaTheKeybearer Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
.... I like that guys reaction LOL. Jenga puzzle strapped to a terrorist screaming at you in another language.. I will agree girls are complicated, ones that aren't are pretty much the generic ones you see in bad TV shows. XD
Reply
:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
Damn right XD
Reply
:iconnick-chan:
Nick-chan Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Nicly done i hope she forgives you bro ;]
Reply
Hidden by Owner
:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
Thank you :iconbowplz:
Reply
:iconglossolalias:
glossolalias Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
you're welcome!
Reply
:iconashadeyfigure:
ashadeyfigure Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Student General Artist
Wow this is an amazing poem! I like a lot.
It says a lot in such a small poem. I like it!
Reply
:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
:iconbowplz: Thank you <3
Reply
:iconashadeyfigure:
ashadeyfigure Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Student General Artist
You're very welcome~
Reply
:icondark-sayona:
Dark-Sayona Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
This is brilliant...moved me. You should write more :hug:
Reply
:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
I shall :iconbowplz:
Reply
:iconsutsuki-sensei:
Sutsuki-Sensei Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
This is beautiful Reaper. Jennifer is lucky to have you. You write such beautiful pieces. It's not wonder you made it to the front page with your works.
Reply
:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
Yeaaahhh <3
Reply
:iconsutsuki-sensei:
Sutsuki-Sensei Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
lol Wouldn't have pegged you to be the kind to like baby animals.
Reply
Hidden by Owner
:iconkyokomogami333:
kyokomogami333 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
my boyfriend promised me the same thing. he is truly amazing. you can stick through it, so keep it up
Reply
:iconnekoninja13:
NekoNinja13 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
tat is very good, wonderful
Reply
:iconjackalpenguin15:
JackalPenguin15 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This is amazing...♥ could I put it on my tumblr? I'll say that you wrote it and put down a link to your account and everything. I just really love this! I understand if it's something you don't want others to see, but I'd really like to put it on my blog.
Reply
:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
Mmm... Long as you don't take credit for it, and link it to me afterwards to see whether I approve, then sure ^^"
Reply
:iconjackalpenguin15:
JackalPenguin15 Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you!
Here is the link to my tumblr I hope it's all good, I put your link there too! [link]
Reply
:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012
:iconbowplz: Yeah, that'll do.
Thank you for appreciating my work so much.
Reply
:iconmenotmyselfori:
menotmyselfori Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
Amazing job on the poem, stay strong and good luck!
Reply
:iconkalika-shai:
Kalika-Shai Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Student General Artist
Wow, this is different from your usual stuff, but I like it a lot! Good job.
Reply
:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
:bow: Thanks Mirandai! <3
Reply
:icontridentwielder:
TridentWielder Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I have been to that level desperation. I had to pull myself out though, sometimes you just have to be strong. Beautiful poem though, you can tell it's straight from the heart.
Reply
:iconskylark-13:
Skylark-13 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Student Writer
I love the poem, and what it stands for. (:
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012  Student Writer
You're really admirable for sharing your feelings where anybody can see them, you know that?
Reply
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Submitted on
June 14, 2012
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