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Literature by DevilsJewel94

Poetry, Stories and Quotes by tijgerjente

Poetry by TexasDreamer01


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Submitted on
June 14, 2012
Submitted with
Sta.sh Writer
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69

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Creative Commons License
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Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
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So yes I am sorry

But know that I care,

I know that you worry

I know you despair-

 

I wish that you wouldn't

But I guess you can't stop,

I know that you didn't

Feel like you could help.

 

I know that feeling

And I know that it kills,

To be truly helpless

When your lover hurts.

 

I know that I shouldn't

But yes I still cut,

And I wish that you wouldn't

But how can you not?

 

So yes I am sorry.

And I promise I'll stop

Because I know that you worry,

For the one that you love.

Jennifer, I'm sorry.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconkyokomogami333:
This is a very amazing work of art.
I can see through the eyes of the person this is being written to. It is strong and it reminds me of me and my boyfriend. Overall, this poem can easily be compared to others feeling the same way.
Although stuff like this is difficult to talk about, it is common, which makes it original. It envelops all the correct feelings and it really just tugs your heartstrings.
NO spelling errors and the 4 line stanza proves easy to follow. Not only does it have an emerging feeling, it proves itself and allegory by having that deeper feel that follows your eyes as you read along.
I give 5 stars for impact mainly because I know how it feels. My boyfriend told me the same thing and I know how it hurts. Poetry is a very beautiful apology, thus increasing impact by, like, 100%.
Very nice piece of work and I hope things go well for you!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
22 out of 23 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconhells-disasterpiece:
I love this piece. This piece shows so much emotion especially when it comes to love. I think the writing style is well put together. The fact that there is no spelling errors makes it a very well written piece and also due to the fact that the grammar used is very well structured it also shows the quality of both the piece and the author. I think the theme of loss and hurt is a very well chosen one which is very well emphasised by the word choice and the use of rhetorical questions. This piece to me is almost like a call out to that one person the voice of this literature has lost
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
29 out of 33 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconrecklys:
Recklys Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2012  Student Writer
i think this is the best poem i ever read...
Reply
:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2012
Read some of my others? This one is hardly my best.
Reply
:iconrecklys:
Recklys Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2012  Student Writer
Your other poems are amazing, but i still think this is your best ;)
Reply
:icondiluculi:
Diluculi Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
First of all, I want to apologize for taking so long, but I had mixed feelings about this poem and needed to figure out why.
This critique is for the critque challenge of :iconmy-soul-bleeds-ink:
I read this poem several times and I have to say, I really like the message behind it and I think it delievers the feeling of being sorry very well.
I especially like the use to repition of "I am sorry" matched with "you worry" and the choice of words in this poem.
I like the length of it, as well and the general structe use: five stanzas with four lines each. It's not too long and not too short.

But something bothered me about this poem, too. Therefore I looked at the structure of it as well.
The syllables of the poem are: 6-5-6-5 6-5-5-5 5-6-6-5 5-5-6-5 6-6-8-6.
It has rhymes, near rhymes and also no rhymes. The use of the kind of rhyme is scattered. This and the amount of syllables follow no superior structure.

The first stanza provides a certain rythm to this poem while reading, but this rythm is alreay stopped by the last line of the second stanza, due to the abrupt lack of rhyme or near rhyme.
The third stanza has no rhymes as well, but because of the syllables used, the poem ergains s rythm in this stanza, which continues in the 4th stanza. Even though in the fourth stanza the amount of syllables doesn't match the one of the stanza before, but instead there rhymes and near rhymes are used in here, so the rythm is still there.
The last stanza, however, disrupts the rythm. this time, it's not because of the lack of rhyme, but because the thirdline is simply too long. Changing it to " 'Cause I know you worry" would help the rythm, in my opinion.

Overall, the only weakness of this piece is its lack of detailed structure. As I said before, the general structure is still good.
Also, the detailed structure is far less important than the main goal of this poem: To deliver its message. I think the poem achieved this goal very well.
Reply
:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2012
XDDD Nice "critique"
You did it in the comment's section? Really? XD
And it's called "free verse" for one, structure isn't expected.
For two, "stop" and "help" rhyme in my accent...
All the others do too :shrug: Sorry XD
Reply
:icondiluculi:
Diluculi Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ok, blame it on my accent then ^^
As you can see, I did ^^
I realized it free verse after I wrote the damn thing :XD:
Reply
:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2012
XDDD!!!
Reply
:icongoobyclarke:
GoobyClarke Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2012
<3
Reply
:iconlennykagamine19:
lennykagamine19 Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012
Oh I'm so sorry to all my friends and the people I luv who don't know I cut.... Luv u alll
Reply
:iconpostwavecore:
PostWaveCore Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2012
"You're a hot dog but you'd better not try to hurt her Frank Furter!"
Reply
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