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Like an angel's footfalls, tapping on the rooftops,
The gentle patter of the rain, I listen to it lain in bed.
It sends me to sleep, as I wonder if it ever stops,
Then I fall prey, to all the things that sleep in my head.

Those angels that I so fear, land on the rooftops,
Laughing with malice, as they see that I am in bed.
As they laugh at my sleeping form, my heart stops,
As I wake, I realise that it was all just in my head.

I listen to the rain, as it falls on these rooftops,
I sigh and begin to relax, as I lay back down in bed.
That gentle rain sends me to sleep again, it never stops,
Once again, I fall prey to the things that lurk in my head.

A cycle of nightmares, thanks to the rain on the rooftops,
But at least I am asleep for once, as I am lain in my bed.
Rain lulls me asleep to nightmares, the cycle never stops,
I will always just fall prey, to the things that are in my head.
A poem I wrote about the rain~
I do not pretend to claim the image ^^"

Here it is!

[link]

Edit: Very top of the front page~
Made the second slot, quite happy with that.
24 hours too, and it's only been up 11 XD
Add a Comment:
 
:iconwildonex:
This is one of the better free-verse pieces I have read. The sentences are smooth and the idea is strong. Though this poem is meerly lacking rhythm, you substitute that device seemingly well with vivid details and originality. Your use of descriptive words gives the poem a unique and enticing quality that keeps the reader's attention til' the very last word. The length of each verse cooperates well with the size of each stanza to ensure to keep any viewer on their toes. You are well on your way to being a skilled poet. Keep up the good work, and I can't wait to read another one of your works~
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
41 out of 43 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconnotensmsk:
Frankly I forgot the rhyming format you choose but it is a rare one and requires a powerful imagination to be able to create even 3 solid, unique stanzas. Now to some other points.

The storyline is integrated; it is simple yet well expressed and poetry is about expression. So good one there.

On the other hand, some lines feel slight repetitive in meaning if not pondered separately.

Now the start and end. Both felt good to me. I liked the start and felt that the end had been done justice with a concluding tone.

Thus I would greatly appreciate this effort since I would personally choose a simpler rhyming format. Good work done.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
9 out of 9 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconmr-black-bird:
Mr-Black-Bird Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2012
This is a good piece. I enjoyed it and didn't find it to be repetitive as I've found with other poems that repeat lines or phrases.


I personally love falling asleep while listening to the rain. It doesnt give me nightmares though :)
Reply
:iconavis-hope:
Avis-Hope Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2012  Student Writer
amazing ^W^
Reply
:icondragonlolidk123:
DRAGONlolidk123 Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2012
This is an interesting piece. I like it. But it feels (to me) like it's not just about rain/ nightmares. I don't know why... Maybe I'm overthinking or something...I don't know...Sorry about the random train of thought. Anyway... Overall great piece. I enjoyed reading it. :)
Reply
:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2012
It's about my own personal belief, but I'd rather not say that in case it insults yours. :)
Reply
:icondragonlolidk123:
DRAGONlolidk123 Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2012
I'd like to know even f I don't agree :D
Reply
:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2012
I'm scared of angels. I have my own reasons. My own nightmares.
Look at "The Ritual" in my gallery? It could explain why.
I don't actually believe that the devil is a force for good though.
I just think he is the only one who cares to look after us.
Because well, if we die before we sin, he doesn't win, so he keeps us alive to make sure we do :)
Reply
:icondragonlolidk123:
DRAGONlolidk123 Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2012
I read it.. I sort of understand where you're coming from, but not entirely.. But of course that could just be me and my christian ideas xD
Reply
:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2012
And if you go in my gallery, on the left there's my "Reaper series."
Based on a series of dreams I had really, as are a few others.
And one I never quite really get around to writing, but really need to.
Read from Fallen (on the far right I think?) and onwards ^^"
Reply
:icondragonlolidk123:
DRAGONlolidk123 Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2012
I think I'll get around to checking them out... and I apologize once again for any spelling mistakes I've made in the past couple of messages. (I'm apologizing because spelling mistakes bother me.. especially when I'm the one who makes them(.
Reply
:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2012
It's fine, autocorrect and all that XD
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconkiss-angel:
Kiss-Angel Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2012
Cool I really like it :)
Reply
:iconthedarkenedbride:
TheDarkenedBride Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
rain indeed is very inspiring
Reply
:iconpollygone300:
pollygone300 Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2012   General Artist
LOL I just found this
[link]
Reply
:iconcontradictory55:
Contradictory55 Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Student Writer
It's so pretty~ I love how you managed to end with the same four words in every stanza, yet it flows really well.
Reply
:icontuiskulumi:
tuiskulumi Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Wonderful Work. I am truly jealous of your skill!
Reply
:iconichigoisawsome:
Ichigoisawsome Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Nice picture and beautiful poem. Unfortunately I can't relate to you in the fact that rain makes me safe. Still a nice Poem^^
Reply
:iconvincentrutel:
VincentRutel Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconclapplz:
Reply
:icon1enoch:
1Enoch Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Student Digital Artist
sorry but my money's on the monster.
Reply
:iconconnya:
Connya Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Simply amazing! Please keep this up!
Reply
:iconmister-23:
Mister-23 Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012   Digital Artist
Your use of words is very charming.
Reply
:icon98moonlight:
98moonlight Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow! This a very cool poem! :D
Reply
:iconbrokenheadphones:
BrokenHeadphones Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
omg so cute!! the teddy bear defending the kid, and the poem is awesome :) :)
Reply
:icondonttuchme:
donttuchme Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Its really cool, i like it a lot
Reply
:iconcrimsonhussar:
CrimsonHussar Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Student Artist
Rape alert!
Reply
:iconitinagi:
Itinagi Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
So awesome!
Reply
:iconebrius-art:
Ebrius-ART Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Hobbyist
Very cool!
Reply
:iconnesquick0084:
Nesquick0084 Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I just love it. Very nice.:)
Reply
:iconfantasy-warriorx:
Fantasy-WarriorX Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hmmmm. . . . what a unique interpretation of the rain. I usually see people potray the calming effects of rain fall and stuff like that. But this is the total opposite. It looks like rain can lead into nightmares. Very unique job for this one!
Reply
:icondevilchild93:
Devilchild93 Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012
Awesome!
Reply
:iconkokoro13:
kokoro13 Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012
Good old teddy bear!!
Reply
:icondarkwolf-of-the-wind:
DarkWolf-of-the-Wind Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Student General Artist
The image that formed in head.... So frightening...
I really really like this. Nightmares are the greatest thing I fear because I dont know if they will ever come true. I cant tell if what I see is just a figment or something that will come sooner or later. You know? :)
Anyways- nicely done! Please keep up the great work friend~!
Reply
:iconhalolux:
Halolux Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
...nightmares still haunt me till this day but very lovely poem!
Reply
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(1 Reply)
:iconnxay:
Nxay Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Student Digital Artist
GO TEDDY GO
Reply
:iconmr--red:
Mr--Red Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'VE SEEN WAY TOO MUCH TENTACLE AND MONSTER HENTAI TO KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING.
Reply
:iconjeffreymonye:
JeffreyMonye Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
but he's a boy LOL
Reply
:iconmr--red:
Mr--Red Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Exactly. It's gay rape.
Reply
:iconjeffreymonye:
JeffreyMonye Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
o gosh o.0
Reply
:iconfunkeygirl:
funkeygirl Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Professional General Artist
Ahhh... It remembers me of my childhood... I had alot of nightmares when I was a lil child, of spiders more biggers than my head... But for a strange reason I do not had affraid of spiders....

This poem is really cool!! I like it! :iconbigheartplz: I also like the image! :meow:
Reply
:iconbubba2match:
bubba2match Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Awesome
Reply
:iconthriftyfox:
ThriftyFox Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Student General Artist
Whoah! awesome piece! cant wait to read more of your stuff!
Reply
Hidden by Owner
:iconrayne-rain:
rayne-rain Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2012  Student General Artist
Actually if you have any form of common sense (which I am sure you in fact do with posting a comment in all) it should be obvious that there is an explanation. Just because they Forgotten-Reaper didn't go into thesis worthy detail over who the creator of the picture was and exactly what the link's purpose was doesn't mean no one could tell it's purpose. Messages such as these should be sent privately not openly posted in someone's comments.
Reply
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Submitted on
June 28, 2012
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