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Submitted on
June 28, 2012
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Sta.sh
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Like an angel's footfalls, tapping on the rooftops,
The gentle patter of the rain, I listen to it lain in bed.
It sends me to sleep, as I wonder if it ever stops,
Then I fall prey, to all the things that sleep in my head.

Those angels that I so fear, land on the rooftops,
Laughing with malice, as they see that I am in bed.
As they laugh at my sleeping form, my heart stops,
As I wake, I realise that it was all just in my head.

I listen to the rain, as it falls on these rooftops,
I sigh and begin to relax, as I lay back down in bed.
That gentle rain sends me to sleep again, it never stops,
Once again, I fall prey to the things that lurk in my head.

A cycle of nightmares, thanks to the rain on the rooftops,
But at least I am asleep for once, as I am lain in my bed.
Rain lulls me asleep to nightmares, the cycle never stops,
I will always just fall prey, to the things that are in my head.
A poem I wrote about the rain~
I do not pretend to claim the image ^^"

Here it is!

[link]

Edit: Very top of the front page~
Made the second slot, quite happy with that.
24 hours too, and it's only been up 11 XD
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:iconwildonex:
This is one of the better free-verse pieces I have read. The sentences are smooth and the idea is strong. Though this poem is meerly lacking rhythm, you substitute that device seemingly well with vivid details and originality. Your use of descriptive words gives the poem a unique and enticing quality that keeps the reader's attention til' the very last word. The length of each verse cooperates well with the size of each stanza to ensure to keep any viewer on their toes. You are well on your way to being a skilled poet. Keep up the good work, and I can't wait to read another one of your works~
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The Artist thought this was FAIR
41 out of 43 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconnotensmsk:
Frankly I forgot the rhyming format you choose but it is a rare one and requires a powerful imagination to be able to create even 3 solid, unique stanzas. Now to some other points.

The storyline is integrated; it is simple yet well expressed and poetry is about expression. So good one there.

On the other hand, some lines feel slight repetitive in meaning if not pondered separately.

Now the start and end. Both felt good to me. I liked the start and felt that the end had been done justice with a concluding tone.

Thus I would greatly appreciate this effort since I would personally choose a simpler rhyming format. Good work done.
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9 out of 9 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconmr-black-bird:
Mr-Black-Bird Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2012
This is a good piece. I enjoyed it and didn't find it to be repetitive as I've found with other poems that repeat lines or phrases.


I personally love falling asleep while listening to the rain. It doesnt give me nightmares though :)
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:iconavis-hope:
Avis-Hope Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2012  Student Writer
amazing ^W^
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:icondragonlolidk123:
DRAGONlolidk123 Featured By Owner Jul 9, 2012
This is an interesting piece. I like it. But it feels (to me) like it's not just about rain/ nightmares. I don't know why... Maybe I'm overthinking or something...I don't know...Sorry about the random train of thought. Anyway... Overall great piece. I enjoyed reading it. :)
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:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2012
It's about my own personal belief, but I'd rather not say that in case it insults yours. :)
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:icondragonlolidk123:
DRAGONlolidk123 Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2012
I'd like to know even f I don't agree :D
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:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2012
I'm scared of angels. I have my own reasons. My own nightmares.
Look at "The Ritual" in my gallery? It could explain why.
I don't actually believe that the devil is a force for good though.
I just think he is the only one who cares to look after us.
Because well, if we die before we sin, he doesn't win, so he keeps us alive to make sure we do :)
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:icondragonlolidk123:
DRAGONlolidk123 Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2012
I read it.. I sort of understand where you're coming from, but not entirely.. But of course that could just be me and my christian ideas xD
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:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2012
And if you go in my gallery, on the left there's my "Reaper series."
Based on a series of dreams I had really, as are a few others.
And one I never quite really get around to writing, but really need to.
Read from Fallen (on the far right I think?) and onwards ^^"
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:icondragonlolidk123:
DRAGONlolidk123 Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2012
I think I'll get around to checking them out... and I apologize once again for any spelling mistakes I've made in the past couple of messages. (I'm apologizing because spelling mistakes bother me.. especially when I'm the one who makes them(.
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:iconforgotten-reaper:
Forgotten-Reaper Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2012
It's fine, autocorrect and all that XD
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