Like an angel's footfalls, tapping on the rooftops,
The gentle patter of the rain, I listen to it lain in bed.
It sends me to sleep, as I wonder if it ever stops,
Then I fall prey, to all the things that sleep in my head.
Those angels that I so fear, land on the rooftops,
Laughing with malice, as they see that I am in bed.
As they laugh at my sleeping form, my heart stops,
As I wake, I realise that it was all just in my head.
I listen to the rain, as it falls on these rooftops,
I sigh and begin to relax, as I lay back down in bed.
That gentle rain sends me to sleep again, it never stops,
Once again, I fall prey to the things that lurk in my head.
A cycle of nightmares, thanks to the rain on the rooftops,
But at least I am asleep for once, as I am lain in my bed.
Rain lulls me asleep to nightmares, the cycle never stops,
I will always just fall prey, to the things that are in my head.
The picture you painted for me was quite wonderful. I felt like I was lying in bed, dreading for sleep to take me. I imagined raindrops turning into hideous, misformed angels as they hit the roof. Really, I got shivers up my spine. (Now I'm inspired to create a nightmare of my own)
The way you wrote this piece was very unique. It would never cross my mind to keep the last line in each stanza the same. Though, I do find that pattern to be very limiting. By the end, I got a little bored (sorry to say) because it was the same words, same sentences, same idea, repeated over and over again. I think it needs something to break the pattern and give it some spice. Then I think this piece would really stand out.
Overall, I did enjoy this piece and the feeling it instiled in me.
The storyline is integrated; it is simple yet well expressed and poetry is about expression. So good one there.
On the other hand, some lines feel slight repetitive in meaning if not pondered separately.
Now the start and end. Both felt good to me. I liked the start and felt that the end had been done justice with a concluding tone.
Thus I would greatly appreciate this effort since I would personally choose a simpler rhyming format. Good work done.
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